Epiphanies

I have been reading my diary from ten years ago and stumbled upon a very important turning point. In October of 2003 I wrote timidly:

“A thought has been coming to my mind that perhaps one of my paths to finding my dream/calling is composing music. That’s an overwhelming thought. I wouldn’t know where to start and how to pursue it, but I have a few glimpses of it.”

I feel humbled by the sacredness of that moment and I marvel at the journey I have been on for the past ten years. Looking back I see a colorful and exciting path gradually unfolding in front of me, but it only looks that way when I have the benefit of retrospection. Facing forward it has been a predictable measure of self doubt and the fear of the unknown.

Blessed are the extroverted MBA grads who know what they want and know how to get there. For an artist who uses the tugging of the heart as the compass, the process is always irrational and intangible. I remember when I first started to think about composition seriously, the best way I could describe it at that time was that I wanted to be “inside of the music”. Though I studied music previously as a performer and experienced it first hand playing solo and in ensembles, I came to realize that I wanted to explore music in a deeper way.

My mind has been in the state of high alert lately. I feel that new seeds have been germinating in me and I have been carefully weighing my epiphanies.

“A thought has been coming to my mind that perhaps I should… That’s an overwhelming thought. I wouldn’t know where to start and how to pursue it, but I have a few glimpses of it.”

©2013 Dosia McKay
Photo by Meadjl on DeviantArt