Longing

Tangled breaths of water nymphs
Waves’ incessant moans
Intertwined in endless
Ebbs and flows
Nothing satisfies let me

Stay let me go
Neither food nor
Sleep comfort wordless angsts

As if words could
Soothe nameless yearnings
Yes but no

And what if
The heart longs for
That which exists not
Aches to give
That which it has not

Neither matter nor
Space ever widening
Can separate or join

Soul’s vital flaw
Nothing satisfies

©2009 Dosia McKay

Glass – Electronic Soundtrack – New Music for Dance

Excerpt 1

Excerpt 2

This past winter I was invited by a fellow composer and my former teacher James R. Carlson to participate in the annual Art Moves, a collaboration of original art, music, and dance inspired by artwork at the Knoxville Museum of Art.

I was commissioned to compose music celebrating A Visionary Journey in Glass exhibit by the world-renown glass artist Josh Simpson. I collaborated with choreographer Mike Bensey, Momentum Dance Lab, and videographer Ren Cummings and composed a soundtrack to a multimedia presentation involving live dancers and video, entitled Glass.

This project was a refreshing departure from composing for acoustic instruments, as I decided to focus entirely on synthesized sound linked to the video. I was free to explore not only new harmonies, but also new timbres.

The sonic palette of my composition resembles sounds heard during the process of glass making; the sizzling of the furnace, the bright eerie sounds of thin goblets, and the blowing of air. The music is upbeat, driving to a climax with a steadily pounding drum sequence.

The dancers on the stage spin in circles individually and then meet together to form a sphere imitating the way in which Josh Simpson creates his glass “planets.” The music transitions to a slower and more reflective section brought on by the sound of a cooling rain while the glass and the dancers are stretched and moulded through a series of breathy sounds in the music. The piece ends with the return of the furnace sounds and upbeat drum sequences.

In my poem entitled Music Is I describe music as “the dance of the soul.” I draw on that metaphor quite often when I compose and sometimes when I listen to music that moves me. So when I had the opportunity to compose a soundtrack for a dance company, I did not hesitate. I found the entire experience, from initial conceptual talks, through composition, rehearsals, and performance to be very rewarding and inspiring, and I hope to collaborate with other artists on multimedia presentations in the future.
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Photography by Johnny Newman

Soft

Plush velvet cottonwheat
Strands of mauve and milk
In snug pleats enveloping
Faded gray wooing
Fond weave of yarn
Shelter petals rust
Safely closely holding
Folding and unfolding
Winter’s hush
Spring’s rush
Braided surrender
Warmth suspended
Wool sheets
Silk dreams
Barely bed of feathers
Layers upon layers
Shawls in fringes wild
Turn around
Linen sleeves
Smooth sweeps
Press with flare
Wash with care
Visible
Untouchable

©2009 Dosia McKay

Death by Settling Down

Used to carry wind in his pockets
The call of the forests
Chirped in his ears

No more
Found strangled in his sleep
Smothered he was
By a crafty hand
She promised him
Ever after
Happily she poisoned
With infectious sameness
Day in day out
Two-car garage
Till death do us part

All the bison he would hunt
All the falcons he would fly
Alas he only cowered away
From incessant slaughter
Of passive aggressive hacking
At the cadaver of his
Bloody soul

Bloody hell of self-denial
She clawed out his vision
With her French manicure
And sucked out his will
With Kool-aid drama of
Beautiful Living

Feasts of the mind
Rawness of the heart
Taken hostage
Faithfully she served
Starvation by gourmet preoccupation
Pear in autumn
Cellulite in springtime
Lethal injections
Of exotic inebriants
Numbed
Stabbings of dull words

Mountain peaks crumbling
North Poles thawing
Stranded he was
By blizzards of mortgages
Braces, dues, and social graces

Wildness of the soul
Now in full remission
Thanks to advancements in
Channel subscription
Keep him from
Rudely blowing up

His brains
On patented prescription
Delay
Death by settling down

©2009 Dosia McKay

Seven Colors of Love

Love is green
Like freshly-cut grass
Raw earthy and sour
The stiff sharp blades
Pierce your bare feet
Without apology

Love is blue
Like mother’s blouse
Soft ruffles brush
Against your bruised face
Her bony hands comb
Through sweaty tangled hair

Love is red
Like blood of the martyrs
Unbent until the end
Beyond yourself
Something greater
Than here and now

Love is gray
Like November sky
All our fears
Come unraveled
We keep falling
Through each other’s arms

Love is white
Like a virgin’s gown
Watercolors unconsummated
Secrets unwhispered
Yet a faint blush
And a twitch of the eye betray

Love is black
Like a deep abyss
At the bottomless bottom
You are still holding me
No room for pretense
The truth is spitting you in the face

Love is purple
Like dreamer’s paradise
Turned inside out
You pull me by a string
And show me how to fly
Nothing is too wild

©2009 Dosia McKay

Three Laments of Heloise – New Music for Chamber Orchestra

Queens Envied Me My Joys

If Not With You, My Heart is Nowhere

My Most Wretched Soul

I am very excited to introduce my new composition for chamber orchestra entitled Three Laments of Heloise. The Laments were inspired by the Letters of Abelard and Heloise I read this spring. I was deeply moved by the story, especially the character of Heloise.

Although the book is frequently marketed as a forbidden love affair between a nun and a monk, I found it to be quite inaccurate as Abelard and Heloise both entered monastic life only after they were married and consequently separated.

I don’t want to divulge too much of the story line in case you might want to trace it yourself. Suffice it to say that yes, in Abelard’s Historia calamitatum and couple of Heloise’s letters the passion rages on freely, but overall the story centers around a crushing loss, self-denial, sacrifice, and conformity to the standards of medieval society.

The first movement of my composition entitled Queens Envied Me My Joys is Heloise’s recollection of early days with Abelard. “Every wife, every young girl desired you in absence and was on fire in your presence”, writes Heloise. “The pleasures of lovers which we shared have been too sweet… They are always there before my eyes, bringing with them awakened longings…”

The second movement entitled If Not With You, My Heart Is Nowhere, expresses Heloise’s sense of abandonment by her lover. She writes to him: “My heart was not in me but with you, and now, even more, if it is not with you it is nowhere; truly, without you I cannot exist.”

The third movement, My Most Wretched Soul gives voice to Heloise’s continued struggle with her loss and the reality of the convent life. She does not see herself as a servant of God, but rather a hypocrite who remains pious on the outside and rages inwardly. “Of all wretched women I am the most wretched, and amongst the unhappy I am unhappiest.” “How can it be called repentance for sins, however great the mortification of the flesh, if the mind still retains the will to sin and is on fire with its old desires?”

I have orchestrated the Laments for chamber orchestra consisting of a flute, oboe, clarinet, bassoon, tambourine, drum, and strings. Modal scales and dance sequences give them a Renaissance feel. Music theory students might appreciate the fact that the unifying element of the three movements is the interval of the 7th which appears very frequently in melodic and harmonic gestures and creates a feeling of ambiguity and of a lack of resolution.

For now I am enclosing only MIDI realizations of the score, but the piece is scheduled to be premiered by the University of Tennessee Contemporary Music Ensemble on April 19 and another performance will take place on April 23 under the direction of Rachel Grubb.

Anticipation

Silence on the verge
Is weightier than
Oceans of words
Air as thick as
A snow cloud
Ready to burst
Holding her breath
In expectation
Almost
Nearly
Not yet
Vibrant
Sweet fever rising
To delirium of
Being

©2009 Dosia McKay

A New Name

She will give you a new name
Your name will be
A mighty conqueror
A brave warrior
A knight of valor

Ten thousands of ruddy horses
Will storm through the gates
Of your desert sand castles
And drag you off
To the ends of horizons

In languish and toil
You will subdue and slay
The ancient dragons
Of mortal self

Twelve foolish maidens
Will toast to your death
One will await
Your resurrection

©2009 Dosia McKay

The Way We Were

Long after we are gone
They will unearth our bones
From beneath warm glaciers
Or cold ashes of extinct volcanoes
They will store our frail artifacts
In hermetic containers
And date them
Somewhere between
Pre and Post
With an acceptable margin of error
We will be a topic
Of someone’s dissertation
They will chart our journeys
Outline our courage
Measure our grasp
And explain our fears
Then we will finally know
Why we were
The way we were

©2009 Dosia McKay

Two Moods – New Music for Clarinet and Piano

1. Haunted

2. Wind Chimes

(Samples from a live performance by Jeffrey St. John Sherwood, clarinet and Melony Maness, piano, March 29, 2009.)


I am happy to unveil Two Moods – my latest composition for clarinet and piano, written for clarinetist Jeffrey St John Sherwood.

Jeffrey and I discussed collaboration on a piece as early as spring of 2007, but because of time constraints and other projects I was involved in, it wasn’t until last November that the idea for the composition began to emerge.

I anticipated couple of weeks of uninterrupted writing time in December and I remember telling Jeffrey that the time has finally come because I was beginning to “hear things.” I had a sudden rush of ideas. I improvised on the piano and scribbled on the whiteboard in my studio, then jotted some runs and adjectives on staff paper.

But before I committed to any of them I really wanted to hear Jeffrey’s take on the piece. Jeffrey proved to be rather undemanding and told me that he trusted my judgment. His only request was that I don’t write academic “think” music. He wanted “mood” and “feel” music. This, of course, was music to my ears (pun intended).

My initial instincts were on target. I decided to explore two contrasting moods. Thus, the first movement entitled Haunted illustrates an eery, suspenseful feeling, intertwined with passages of sheer panic and terror. I recalled my childhood struggle with the fear of darkness and I wanted to confront those kinds of cold-sweat fears in my music. Haunted takes a few unexpected turns and is bound to “freak out” those who enjoy the lyrical aspect of my compositions.

Wind Chimes, if one can brave through Haunted, brings the listener to the other side of the emotional spectrum. In this movement I wanted to portray a feeling of freedom, release, and beauty. Perhaps I owe the inspiration to the wind chimes on my deck, which have been a faithful companion to my writing since last fall. Somehow I had managed to write several other pieces ignoring their gentle rattle, but this time the chimes finally found their voice in the abundance of the pentatonic melodic and harmonic figures in the movement.

Unpublished Poems

Unpublished poems
Scratch the insides
Of antique bureaus
Peering through the keyholes
Of rusted locks
Awaiting pardon
From blurred memories

They stretch their
Unexercised verbs
While silently
Mouthing censored stanzas
Breathing fully
Through the spaces
Between the lines
Unburdened by the responsibility
Of guarding
The true meaning

©2009 Dosia McKay

Reprimand

Dear Life
Please note that
Observance of guidelines
Stated in the
Policy Manual
Is mandatory

Sharp turns
Are discouraged
As are U-turns
And turns for the worse

All surprises
Must be approved
In advance
By the management

Impractical ideas
Must be labeled as such
And stored in a contained environment

Gambling is
Strictly prohibited

Uncooperative people are
No longer allowed on the premises

All muses must be kept
On a leash or in a locked cage

Disappointments will be
Transferred to another department

Proof of immunization must be
Attached to the application

Sleeplessness
Will not be tolerated

Meaninglessness must be
Immediately reported

Doubts will be
Prosecuted to the
Furthest extent of the law

Waiting is permissible
Only in well-lit areas
With clearly outlined
Routes of evacuation

Termination of contract
Will not occur until
Deemed agreeable to the board

Thank you for your
Cooperation

Have a nice day

©2009 Dosia McKay

Sleepless

Possibilities
Inevitabilities
Liabilities
Vulnerabilities
Squared
Multiplied
Permutated

Why now?
Why not then?
Why you?
Why not you?

Alternate endings
In alternate universes
Special features
And upcoming attractions

I rewind to that scene
Right before
But now
The lighting is different
And the conclusions
Are inconclusive

©2008 Dosia McKay

Skyline

Heaven or Earth?
Day or night?
Water or air?
Neither
Just the horizon
Cradling the face
Of stillness
I walk blindly
Knowing less
Hearing anew
Feeling
Truly
Unreservedly
Barefacedly

©2008 Dosia McKay

Infringement

Poets are enemies
Of the state
Of comfortable vegetation
Stirring dissent
From a well-balanced
Diet of
Clocking in
Clocking out

They linger
Breaking the zoning
Ordinances
Of the soul
They x-ray thoughts
Peering into
Unsuspecting eyes
Reading
Between the lines

Every gesture betrays
You
A victim
Of stolen anonymity

©2008 Dosia McKay

Real

Time is melting in our fingers
Hours taper off to niente
Over-promised
And under-delivered
Somedays pass
Like telephone poles
In the window of a train
The mythical star
Of Tomorrow
Ever-dazzling

I don’t want this day to end
With all its trivial ordinary
Sticky elevator buttons
Water puddles
And mismatched socks
Nothing you say is quotable
And I am not dressed for the occasion
We are
Real
For the first time

©2008 Dosia McKay

Hail the Emperor – New Music for Orchestra

Excerpt 1

Excerpt 2

Excerpt 3

I am happy to unveil my latest composition for orchestra: “Hail the Emperor”. It is about 9 minutes long and is scored for woodwinds in pairs, brass, timpani, 4 percussionists, harp, and strings.

If you think the title is a little on the grandiose side, you are right. I was attempting to convey the feeling of pride, pomp, awe, and splendor. I was imagining an emperor returning from his conquests, entering the city gates with great pageantry and spoils of victory.

To this end I have utilized the power of the brass section of the orchestra in multiple solo fanfares and as a unit. I also scattered driving triplets throughout all orchestra choirs and the percussion. The emperor (anticipation) theme sweeps widely across horns and strings.

I attempted to evoke an oriental feel by employing the pentatonic scale and parallel voice leading. And to top off the drama, I threw in a few crashes of the Chinese gong, also known as Tam-tam.

The middle section of the work gives stage to the string orchestra where I transform the emperor theme into a lyrical counterpoint culminating in a dissonant outburst.

The final section brings back the driving triplets and the testosterone-driven emperor returns with more force and drama. Everything ends with grandiose fireworks (musically speaking) with the audience hailing the Emperor.

Did I mention “grandiose”?

Cold Stone

Cold stone wrought iron
Flow my tears
Ancient dripping stalactites
Coarse wood kneelers
Silver goblets
Marble fountain pen holders
Deliver me from
The city of rubber
Fluorescent light
And processed cheese

Nameless bricklayers
Of gothic cathedrals
Rest my bones
Celibate scribes
Of the Dark Ages
Blood of the martyrs
Deliver me from
Disposable words
Drive through religion
And paradise on demand

©2008 Dosia McKay

People

People are letters
Of the alphabet
The crowd forms
Random syllables
Perfect strangers
Pass each other
With perfect precision
Of prescribed distance
And silent indifference
But syllables are babbling
A yawn of boredom
A mutter of temper
A sigh of relief
A gasp of wonder
In search of
The exclamation point

©2008 Dosia McKay

Resume

Born
Don’t recall

Where
Anywhere but here

School
A degree of wanting and waiting

Work
Is holy said my friend

Worth
Everything to few nothing to most

Race
Becoming extinct

Belong
Sometimes I don’t

Connections
Looking people in the eyes

Scores
Prime numbers and golden proportion

Languages
Always leave things unspoken

Experience
Raspberries are equally tart sweet and velvety

Goals
To always be reaching for them

Writing
A dozen of tones endless possibilities

Background check
Check

Gaps
Could also be windows or trap doors

Extracurricular
And then some

©2008 Dosia McKay